We always fear loss

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All fears stem from ourselves

GR15

A woman fears that her husband is going out, the husband says ‘I’m going out with the boys’, but in the heart, the woman fears that he might be going to see a girlfriend.  She fears that.  Why does she fear that?  Why does she have that fear?  Good.  The fear is there because of her personal inadequacy.  It could be a conscious inadequacy or it could be a sub-conscious inadequacy planted in her mind, since childhood perhaps, because of happenings in her environment.  She might have had certain experiences in life, that would produce that fear in her.  Good.  Basically the fear stems from insecurity.  She feels insecure, and therefore she feels inadequate.  She feels I can not please my husband, or look after my husband in the way he should be looked after, and therefore he might find another girlfriend.  Good.

Now, when that women fears this, what is she to do?  She has to analyse herself.  I’m not talking of morbid fears, or fears that are created by an imbalanced mind.  But there are fears that come about it people’s minds that are well balanced, but the thinking process is wrong.  Good.  In that fear there could be so much attachment that makes her think that her husband will be unfaithful to her.  Meanwhile he could be the finest, man on earth.  Now if she analyses the situation, ‘Where have I gone wrong, good, in order to produce this fear in me?’  If she analyses herself, and she feels that she has been doing her duty properly, right, she has been loving as a wife should be loving, she has been caring for the husband as she should be caring.  Fine.  Firstly he married her because he was attracted to her.  Is she doing her best to remain to just as attractive as the honeymoon period, or is that past, and is she taking things just for granted?  Now if she analyses all these things and the answer is in the affirmative, that fear would be lost.  Then she would say ‘John, why are you sitting round at home tonight, go out and have a good time with the boys’.  That is that, good, she will develop.  Fine.  So that very fear that caused this attachment, and insecurity, and inadequacy can now be turned to love and adequacy and security, where she would say, ‘Stop sitting around watching the telly, if you feel like going out for a game of snooker with the boys, go!’  She will say that.  So what has happened there, is that the same energy has been used, but it has taken a hundred and eighty degree turn.

So, all fears stem from ourselves and not necessarily from the environment.  And even if the environment creates a fear, it depends upon our ability to succumb to the fear, or overcome the fear.  The basic fear in man is loss, good, we do not want to lose.  Right.  In this example of the woman, she feels she is losing her husband.  Right.  If we study every kind of fear, we will find that it is always based deep down on the loss of oneself.  In other words, loss of life, which in turn means loss of ego.  Man tries to sustain himself as much as possible, and in doing so, he is only sustaining his ego, while real happiness and fearlessness can only be found by subduing the ego, and not nurturing it.  Good.  The ego is that which gives one identity, and people do not like to lose their identity.  But it is only by losing one’s identity, – that does not mean that you must refuse to be John, Jack or John, or another ‘J’, Joseph.  Okay, it does not mean that.  You’re still John, you’re still Jack, you’re still Joseph, you’re still that.  But the identity that has to be lost is the identity of the inner-self.  That identity, that ego that says that the whole world that resolves around me, that is the ego.  That the whole world revolves around me, I am the centre.  Whenever you find any conflict in any home, whenever there’s any kind of conflict, right, it is because the person in the home, thinks that he or she is the centre of the home, and everything must revolve around him or her.  And that causes conflict, always, always, always.  Good.

But when the person feels, starts feeling, losing that individuality, losing that ego, and thinks I’m just the circumference, and everything is happening within the circumference.  Let me be the rim of the wheel, that keeps the wheel of my home together.  Let me not be the hub.  The forces that keeps this home together, let that force be the hub.  And that force is love, and love is God.  So what we are doing is transposing ourselves from the rim to the hub, right, and saying ,‘I am the doer, I am the centre’ while we are not the centre, we are so uncentred.  That is the basic problem always, and being, feeling, thinking that we are the centre, all kinds of fears and inadequacies and insecurities, they develop and develop and develop and cause all kinds of miseries.  Good.

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